Last week I drove a celebrity!

When I pulled up to his average home, he came out in a full tuxedo. He was definitely handsome, but I can’t say he was familiar in any sense. He walked to me as I held the door open, with his head held high. As he neared me, I opened my mouth and got as far as “Good evening Mister-” before I was cut off for the first time that night.

“Address me as sir only,” he said, and then as he managed to pull his eyes down from sky level to my level, added “and you can refrain from that eye contact.”

Aye aye, sir! At the end of the day, I am here to do as the client requests. I brought my eyes down to my red pumps and waited until Sir was safely tucked into the limo before I clicked the door shut behind him. When I got back into the driver’s seat, the partition was down halfway as I usually leave it before my client gets in. I made accidental brief eye contact before my eyes snapped back forward.

“Where to?” I asked.

“Wherever the people are,” he replied. “And you better let my fans know I’ve arrived. Partition up!”

At this point, I did start to wonder who this Sir was. Maybe he was some actor I had never heard of. But I have to say, especially in this business, I recognize most! So I started to drive to where it would be the busiest: downtown. As soon as the streets got crowded, I saw by my mirrors that a hand had stuck out of the back window. He was giving a perfect cupped-hand “royal family” wave to everyone we drove past. But the tinted windows hid everything but his hand and perfectly-tailored sleeve.

I took a risk at that point and rolled my partition down about an inch.

“Is there anywhere in particu-”

“I said partition UP. Let these good people know I am here!” He was practically cooing at this point.

So I did what any good, perhaps too-sarcastic, limo driver would do. I opened my window and called to the night, “Please, out of the way, people, I have a celebrity in here!”

I expected snorts of laughter and people shaking their heads at me. Instead, I saw excited smiles and people actually began to wave back. Once one person waved to him, everyone began to turn and wave. Next thing I knew, we had turned a whole street of people in our direction.

This continued for almost an hour more of driving. I have to hand it to Mr. Sir, because he even had me convinced.
That was until I finally dropped him off. He got out, made full eye contact with me, laughed loudly, and in a voice no longer dripping with diamonds, told me “Thanks for the ride! I think they bought it.”